September 2nd, 2026 1:36AM EST~What does it all mean


Been in a slump lately. Kind of retreated into doing comfort things a lot, like writing about my ocs and coding things just for fun. Ive felt a lot lately that Im sort of the replaceable fodder in the friend group, yknow? I dont think its anyones fault necessarily, and I know my friends care about me, but im no ones first choice. There will always be someone more fun, someone with more in common, someone with the right interests. I think im slowly getting used to it now, though, weirdly. I go through phases of being someones first choice, first it was one friend, and then he moved on and another friend decided to spend a lot of time with me, and so on. Its the lulls between those times that make me feel like a vacant house. Im sure if I talked to a therapist about this they would have a lot to tell me about anxious attatchment or something along those lines, but I dont really feel anxious about it at all, just bereft. When I notice a friend has moved on and im no longer their first choice, I just accept it and become lonely for a little while until someone else picks me again. One day, hopefully someday soon, Ill learn to treat myself less like the least desireable chip left at the bottom of the bag, but fixing these kinds of self esteem issues probably takes a long time.
Til next time.